Thursday, November 25, 2010

Giving Thanks

I feel very strongly that every day should be a Day for Thanks; that we should approach each blessing in our lives, great or small, with a sense of wonderment and gratitude in our hearts. That being said, I am not such a "purist" that I frown upon the institutionalization of a Holiday for the Celebration of Such. On the contrary! This is my favorite time of year! I so enjoy sharing in that Attitude of Gratitude with my family, friends, loved ones. They are all such a blessing in my life - and all of them for different reasons, or in different ways. I give thanks for many things throughout the year, but love the sense of culmination that comes annually.

Today I want to share a few of the things I am especially thankful for:

I am thankful for my loving partner, my best-friend-turned-lover, Norma. Every day I spend with her is a joy unparalleled by anything I've experienced heretofore, and I cherish her.

I am so thankful for my friends and family, and their support through the years. It hasn't been an easy ride; I was quite the little hellion after I left for college. But, through it all, they've been by my side, to help me, hold my hand, and wipe away tears. I so appreciate our bonds.

I am thankful for the inspiration that came regarding starting my own business, something I've been wanting to do for a long time, but haven't known quite what form it would take. I am likewise thankful for the friends who have offered insight, and who have acted as sounding boards as I work out the kinks in my fledgling plans.


Norma and I have been trying to conceive for a month now, and it looked as though we might have been successful ... until today, when my period started. Instead of being discouraged by this unexpected turn of events, I found myself feeling slightly lighter of heart and even ... happy. I had, at the urging of my psychiatrist, gone off of my antidepressant before trying to conceive with Norma. My antidepressant in particular can be harmful to a growing fetus, and so my doctor felt it would be best for it to be out of my system before we began trying to conceive. The withdrawal symptoms, which were foreign to me before now, mimicked the symptoms of early pregnancy in many ways. Imagine our surprise, then, when my period came today, as scheduled!

We have been preparing our minds, our lives, our hearts for a little one - but ... this unexpected "hitch" in our plans is, I feel, a blessing in disguise.

I want to have a better handle on my depression before starting again. I've had quite a bit of success in managing it by the means of regular meditation and yoga, but I need to make those a more integral part of my life to see and kind of long-term results.

I want to enroll in college this Spring, and get some skill sets that will serve me well when I start my business.

I want to have more energy to spare to plan our Handfasting ceremony, our marriage.

Had I turned up pregnant, I have no doubt that we would have found a way to make everything work. No doubt. But ... this feels right. I like that we have more time to sift through a few more things before jumping into parenthood.

That being said, I feel my bond with Norma has been strengthened beyond my wildest hopes through this endeavor. She and I share a closeness that was not present on this level before trying to conceive. Though the time may not have been "right", the lesson's timing most certainly was.

And for these things, I am most thankful.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

I believe re-introductions are in order

I am once again re-purposing this blog. Would that make this a re-repurposed blog, then?

I will describe the new scope of my blog in a moment, but first, let me say... I've fallen in love with my best friend - and we couldn't be happier! One of the beautiful things about our relationship is the sheer level of acceptance and openness with which we approach each other - and life. Which brings me to my point:

We are both queer... but not in the generally accepted sense of the term. "Queer" doesn't denote "Gay" or "Homosexual". Queer is the opposite of Straight - not the opposite of Heterosexual. I personally know several Straight Gays, and many Queer Heterosexuals. Straight and Queer indicate lifestyle and outlook more than sexuality to me.

We are both Bi-sexual, have decided that we will eventually open up our relationship to Polyamory (more on that in later posts), and enjoy some BDSM. But there's something else that sets us apart from other couples, even in the Queer and Gay communities - my Significant Other is a genetic male who is more feminine than I am. Norma, the love of my life, wants her body to reflect that femininity by way of breast augmentation and dress, but also wants to keep that not-so-little Bit that would make her a she-male.

Our little family is unconventional, to say the least. As we consider expanding our hearts and lives to include an Offspring (or two), I have some questions:

What would the child call my Partner? Would the child have two Mommies? How does one make the transition with (relatively) conservative family and extended family, when physical changes start being made to Norma's body?

Ever the inquisitive one, I started perusing Teh Interwebs, doing searches along the lines of "Wives of Transgendered Men".

What I found was thoroughly unhelpful, and some were even a little alarming. My preliminary search unearthed only two schools of thought -

1) Wives who were ashamed of their now "cured" cross-dressing husbands, and
2) Advice (usually from Transgendered men) for wives of "cross-dressing" husbands

While Option (2) seemed to be promising, it was actually the most frustrating of the bunch! What I came across was an informative website, given from the perspective of a Best Girlfriend dishing insider information. What frustrated me is that it was aimed at an audience that is, well, decidedly ... straight - women who are confused and even scared of what this could mean for their relationship. The Best Girlfriend takes all of this into consideration in her advice, telling the wives how to navigate several situations that are foreign and unfamiliar.

The thing is, I don't fit that bill! ... at all! Advice is lost on me when someone says, "If you're uncomfortable with him 'dressing', make sure he has some time to do so on his own", because ... we frequently go out, dressed femme ... together.

I am not satisfied with the limited scope of these sites! What I'm looking for is a resource for women who are proud of the strides their Significant Others have made in accepting themselves; wives who are happy in their unconventional, slightly left-of-center relationships, who find fulfillment in every interaction with their beautifully quirky she-male partners.

Because I have yet to find such a resource... I'm making one. If you know of anyone who might find this blog remotely interesting, share the link. I'd love to connect with others who find themselves in this unique situation - because I think it may not be as unique as all that. Many aspects of the GLBT community are still closeted. It is my hope to shed light on my experience, while drawing strength from others' - thereby opening those closet doors.

Besides - closets are for clothes. Really fabulous clothes!