Auld Lang Sine

You know? I have yet to make the Obligatory New Year's Post. Let me get all upons.

What are my Hopes? What are my Goals? Of what do I wish to rid myself? Or, what do I wish to assimilate into my daily life?

Hopes (in no particular order)
I decided that "Hopes" are too non-committal. One can hope all day long - but hope, to me, implies inaction. It belies a "bystander" mentality. So... I choose not to hope here; instead I created a few short lists of Action Plans.

Goals (in no particular order)
1) Start taking classes at the PLACE, geared towards small businesses
2) Plant (and help to flourish) a massive garden
3) Get handfasted to Nyyki
4) Make a solid Business Plan and Implement it
5) Increase physical activity, Reduce portion size
6) Take yoga classes for at least 6 months
7) Start Yoga Teacher Certification by year's end.

That of Which I Want to be Rid (in no particular order)
1) Self Loathing
2) the Persistent Anger that dogs me
3) chronic Inconsistency
4) "Destination" thinking
5) All or Nothing behavior
6) clutter
7) mistrust of Good Things

Things I Wish to Learn (and Apply) (in no particular order)
1) Yoga and Spirituality
2) Persistence
3) Inner Calm, even in the face of great strife or frustration
4) that Words have Power
5) Effortless Effort, and Removing the Weight of the World from My Shoulders
6) to Read Voraciously once more
7) organization skills

Giving Thanks

I feel very strongly that every day should be a Day for Thanks; that we should approach each blessing in our lives, great or small, with a sense of wonderment and gratitude in our hearts. That being said, I am not such a "purist" that I frown upon the institutionalization of a Holiday for the Celebration of Such. On the contrary! This is my favorite time of year! I so enjoy sharing in that Attitude of Gratitude with my family, friends, loved ones. They are all such a blessing in my life - and all of them for different reasons, or in different ways. I give thanks for many things throughout the year, but love the sense of culmination that comes annually.

Today I want to share a few of the things I am especially thankful for:

I am thankful for my loving partner, my best-friend-turned-lover, Norma. Every day I spend with her is a joy unparalleled by anything I've experienced heretofore, and I cherish her.

I am so thankful for my friends and family, and their support through the years. It hasn't been an easy ride; I was quite the little hellion after I left for college. But, through it all, they've been by my side, to help me, hold my hand, and wipe away tears. I so appreciate our bonds.

I am thankful for the inspiration that came regarding starting my own business, something I've been wanting to do for a long time, but haven't known quite what form it would take. I am likewise thankful for the friends who have offered insight, and who have acted as sounding boards as I work out the kinks in my fledgling plans.

~

Norma and I have been trying to conceive for a month now, and it looked as though we might have been successful ... until today, when my period started. Instead of being discouraged by this unexpected turn of events, I found myself feeling slightly lighter of heart and even ... happy. I had, at the urging of my psychiatrist, gone off of my antidepressant before trying to conceive with Norma. My antidepressant in particular can be harmful to a growing fetus, and so my doctor felt it would be best for it to be out of my system before we began trying to conceive. The withdrawal symptoms, which were foreign to me before now, mimicked the symptoms of early pregnancy in many ways. Imagine our surprise, then, when my period came today, as scheduled!

We have been preparing our minds, our lives, our hearts for a little one - but ... this unexpected "hitch" in our plans is, I feel, a blessing in disguise.

I want to have a better handle on my depression before starting again. I've had quite a bit of success in managing it by the means of regular meditation and yoga, but I need to make those a more integral part of my life to see and kind of long-term results.

I want to enroll in college this Spring, and get some skill sets that will serve me well when I start my business.

I want to have more energy to spare to plan our Handfasting ceremony, our marriage.

Had I turned up pregnant, I have no doubt that we would have found a way to make everything work. No doubt. But ... this feels right. I like that we have more time to sift through a few more things before jumping into parenthood.

That being said, I feel my bond with Norma has been strengthened beyond my wildest hopes through this endeavor. She and I share a closeness that was not present on this level before trying to conceive. Though the time may not have been "right", the lesson's timing most certainly was.

And for these things, I am most thankful.